[  My Blog will likely celebrate its ·20,000th· view with the launch of this post, which is a mind-blowing thought. ]

   

      I moved home a few weeks ago, taking the ultimate retreat to my parent's house. There are rules similar to when I was in high school, my room arranged like I had it in the eighth grade, and the mindless monotony of the space takes me back to elementary school.

                          My room is a sanctuary, and if walls could talk they would be laughing and crying all at once. I've been applying for jobs in mass quantities and the interviews are just starting to come in. It's as if everyone left for the summer and companies, governments, and firms all over just checked out for the month of June. 

   I've decided to video my experiences when I move. I think it will be an exciting time--More so than the last eight times. I'm ready to settle down just as badly as I'm ready to get out of my hometown. 

    My social life has been a mixture of self loathing due to the fact I live at home again, and unrequited love that has ended in more depressing outcomes. In fact this year has been the worst on record for dating. I had a more successful love life in Kindergarten and the year I was in the hospital for 65 days straight than I have in 2014.  Suddenly I'm painting again and doing stuff that is meant to occupy my mind from going crazy. I'm writing posts about my lack of social life on my blog as I listen to my new depressing anthem, Dark Paradise on repeat. This is usually the time I chime in with some sort of hopeful proverb of empowerment that is meant to give hope and belief in the future. ["There can be no rainbow without the rain." "An arrow can only be shot when pulled in reverse." "You can only get a new car if you survive the wreck."] 

    

    Okay maybe I fabricated that last one, but I think it's the best. I decided the day I moved home that I would make it my goal to apply to at least one job a day until I got results. I mean think about what Aristotle tells us in his works on Politics, "Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime."Trust that when I was being forced to read Aristotle in school I never believed it would be applicable to my life as an unemployed recent graduate. 

EASTER: The REAL struggle.

Let's face it: EASTER IS THE MOST TERRIFYING HOLIDAY of all the holidays. 

Maybe I missed something as a kid when they told me I was suppose to be excited about a giant animal sneaking into my house and bringing me a basket of candy? I only voiced my fear a few times, but it was there.. it was constantly there. I just imagined this massive beast-though white and fluffy- abnormally large, with massive eyes and unusually good hearing, coming out of the dark wood behind my house. This same dark wood was the origin of most of my terrors when I was younger. (Witches, the ghost of the socially wronged native American Chieftain,  human trafficking kid-nappers, you name it-they all come out of the woods. 

Anyway, soooo theres this large bunny that's going to bring me candy. He sneaks into my house and hides the basket. (WHO HIDES THE GIFT!?) There's something fishy about giving a person something and then not wanting them to actually receive it. I was always the last kid in my family to find my basket. Mainly my sisters found it for me. Okay okay, fast forward to church. They made me dress up in pastel colors, which I have nothing against now, but my second grade self did NOT agree. I thought it was de-masculating. Get to church and have to sit through hours of listening to the same easter hymnals (ALL OF WHICH MAKE ME WANT TO SCREAM!)

 If you haven't let the giant bunny take you away or all the pink get to you, the old time-y gospel hymns may take you down. Need I mention the hour and something spent listening to how someone plotted, publicly embarrassed and successfully killed Jesus, which as a kid I was thoroughly confused about why we had to keep rehashing this horrible tale.  I thought it would all be better off just to stop dwelling on it, and sweep it under the rug. 

Alas, at the end of it all, Easter was one holiday my kid self could do without. I wanted no part in it. As an adult it has come to represent so much more to me, but still holds some of those old meanings too -It is the gateway to summer, it is a time of good food, celebration, and tons of CANDY just like it was when I was seven. The religious stuff is just the icing on the pastel cake. 

    “Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. 
  I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.” -Caitlyn Siehl

                       "Which way did our last chance go and can we Get out if we go right now?
               It seems that with the malls and the mega-church stadiums We would get out if we knew just how with the radio on"

 Last night I decided to go to the gym at 12:30 am. It was strange being the only one there. I decided that it would do me the most good rather than midnight mass or some club. I've been down lately, and my sleep being off the wall isn't helping. I pulled an all nighter yesterday and when I tried to get home to sleep it wouldn't take. Today is my day off and I'm working on job applications. I have to kick out of this slump. I need some good news hopefully this week will bring me some. This seems to be the best song ever right now. "I've got a worried mind I know..."

Founder's Day

    "Jefferson didn't work in a vacuum", he was in constant contact with people like Latrobe, Thornton, Neilson, and Cocke. The idea of a university came after over thirty years of working on legislation on education. The built plan for the university evolved over five years until it became an elongated ten pavilion plan. The professors would live and teach in the pavilions and the rotunda housed the library. It was a complete package that demonstrates through architecture the orders-modern, classic, and their relation to each other. It is also a UNESCO World Heritage site. Tonight the fire works are blazing in celebration. It's the 271st anniversary of JT's birth being celebrated this weekend.  It's going to be an exciting night.

Shanty and Siblings.

   The shanty that I've been living in has officially been condemned. This was an obvious choice taken by local law enforcement and should have happened months earlier in my opinion, but let's be honest-who's going to argue with paying almost nothing for rent? The bottom floor apartment apparently has a terrible sewage leak(THANK GOD I'M ON THE TOP FLOOR.) My neighbors however are outraged and scrambling to figure out affordable housing options. I feel terrible for them especially because some have been unable to deal with the current state of the place. I'll be sure to let you know if any shit geysers happen up on my level. 
  
     On a much different note. It's national siblings day. I honestly don't think either of them bother to read my blog anymore. (They've lost track or think it's still shutdown, which could be a very good thing for me.) Anyway, as I've said in previous posts my sisters have always taken extremely good care of me and I have always been blessed enough to say that I've had three moms-as good or terrible as that sounds. Some of the best moments I've had with my sisters have come when I was in desperate need. This includes and is not limited to: beating up an older bully kid in middle school, chauffeuring me around for the first 16 years of my life, providing me with a place to hide, providing me with money on occasion, usually returning my texts and phone calls, giving me the blunt/honest truth anytime I need it. -This has been a bit overlooked times and even misinterpreted in a negative light, but I think there is a lot to be said about someone who will be completely honest with you in a loving yet stern way. I sometimes felt that I grew up lost in their massive shoes, but there is something about living in their shadow that has enabled me to plot my own course-figure out life for myself. After I acknowledged that they were both much more awesome, smart, athletic, creative and ambitious than I could ever be. 
         As a kid I served, as their dating advisor, their best friend, and (at times) their go-to fashion expert. I was that little kid at home who with a big mouth that was always willing to dish.  I can truly be myself around them without feeling like I have to mask anything, which has not been the case with other members of my family.  The most interesting memories I have are of things like when they got 'that car' or met 'that guy', when they 'went on that vacation' or 'had that minor life setback',  when they 'got those awards' or 'got that new shiny diploma'.  It's so refreshing knowing that I can always talk to them about things even if I've spared them from my recent dating experiences. 

          As siblings we share the most genuine and honest feelings of love. It stems from the origins of where we came from. Something about being kids together bonds you to an individual like nothing else. It's as if everyone else begins reading the book in the fourth or fifth chapter, while your siblings got to begin the story at the very beginning. They are the few people who understand the whole picture. I am lucky to be on such close terms with my siblings, and I'm excited to see where their lives take them. I'm excited to continue 'reading' (and of course, being there to give my critique.) 

       I already see a special bond forming between my niece and nephew. They don't understand it as I do from a pseudo-adult perspective, but they already have each others back at daycare and on the playground. It's fun to watch. 

My sister's shout out on Instagram.

(I'm a hot mess in these, but It's perfect.) 

20 Questions Monday:
 Here are some more basics- enjoy.
1.What is your lucky number? 
2, 22, 222, 17, 49, 9  one of those. 
2.Do you have pets?
One day maybe.
3.If you were a superhero what powers would you have? 
I think I would be like superman..flying/strength or maybe water stuff like Aquaman(and so I have the excuse to carry a trident.) 
4.What would your superhero name be? 
Something completely ridiculous like the flying nugget -I'll work on it. -_-'
5.Would you build/design your own house? 
I would love to! I have a few plans already made up. I'm waiting on that winning lotto ticket.6.
6.Can you solve a rubix cube? 
Never actually tried. Sooo I'm guessing NO.
7.Can you juggle?
yes. 
8.Do you have a cherished childhood teddy bear?
Yes, his name was Snickers(-like the candy bar. I was a fat kid. Don't judge. )
9.Have you ever been bungee jumping. 
  no thanks. 
10. What type of holidays do you prefer?
long ones. 
11.Can you tap dance?
 nope. 
12. What's your favorite zoo animal?
hmmm...
13. What's your favorite sport?
I like basketball in March, but in the last couple of years I've been addicted to Major League Baseball.
14. What's your favorite pizza topping?
 CHEESE
15. What's your favorite alcoholic drink? 
  I am a whiskey and ginger kind of guy. 
16. What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
   It's an Iced Chai with soy and Cinnamon Dulce from Starbucks. I don't get it all the time but it's a real treat when I do. 
17. How many hats do you own? 
 I have a few, but one special one that some say I wear too much... 
18.  Do you like the pool?
 Yes, I love it!
19. Ever met any Celebrities?
   Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel.. and that's about it. 
20. Sunrises or sunsets?
    I like both actually, but depends. Sunrises at the beach. Sunsets on lakes and around campfires. It's strange like that. 

From Sea to Shining (Let's) See.

     So the job hunt has taken some interesting turns. I have been interviewed for positions in: FL, NY, CA, MS, OH, MN, MA, PA, DC, VA, NC and TN.. -most of which have just happened in the last week. I'm still up in the air as far as where I'm heading though. The amount of interest and positive feedback I've received on my work experience and writing is very exciting. The range of jobs I've been interviewed for is also very broad. I initially thought that my degree was one that limited my  prospects, but I'm finding just the opposite to be true. The jobs span from public to private, non-profit, for profit, government on the state/local/ and federal levels--preservation, architectural history, research, museums, communal activism, lobbying, consulting, design, tourism, grant writing, development and so on..
                                        This like most of my most exciting blog posts rely on time to tell. I've also begun working on a new vblog introduction I think it is best to start vlogging during the move and adjustment to new place. I think it will provide readers with some much needed excitement. Again, I feel as if I'm on the brink of something new and exciting. I'm ready for change and STABILITY thanks to the last eight crazy years.

   I started a new project today, which really started a few weeks ago. I had been drafting some of my old projects from undergrad, but today I started drafting Urban plans from around the world. So far I have completed a basic grid of New York 1811 and a Savannah plan that outlines the city's evolution from 1733(founding) to the progress made up to 1856. 

                      1818 Savannah City Map (This is prior to the Forsyth Park addition.)

   It seems to be a fruitful process. I not only get to brush up on my line weights but I'm using a process a professor at UVA stands by. She claims that to fully know a place or a city's design, you must be in the seat of the planner/architect by drawing it(or in this case drafting it.) I plan on doing a few more but haven't exactly decided which ones. If nothing else they're giving me pieces for my portfolio or something to pin up on my walls. Versailles may be my next undertaking.[below]

1746 engraving by abbot Delagrive

20 questions Monday:  Okay, so I thought that some of my readers clearly needed to learn more about me according to some of the emails that I've gotten in the last couple of days. I'm thrilled to hear I still have readers after being gone for a whole year. 
Question 1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.(?)
 (Hella Random)  "Its form and function reflect many of the most pervasive cultural elements in eighteenth century civilization." This is sooo painful, I'll spare you but the book is excellent! "Bourgeois Utopias" By, Robert Fishman  
Question 2: Stretch your arm as far as you can what can you touch? This question also terrible. I can touch both walls of my apartment. I am soo ready to ditch my current apartment, perhaps I'll elaborate on the terrors of my apartment/neighborhood in a future post. 
Question 3: Before you started this survey where were you going? I just got back from the gym (STAR FOR Me )
Question 4: What is the last thing you watched on tv? hmmm, well I gave up tv for lent last year and I realized how much of a distraction it was to me.. Not to mention how much it consumed from a college budget. The internet has since became my source of movies and news. 
Question 5: With the exception of the computer what can you hear? I can hear cars and people walking around upstairs. 
Question 6: Did you dream last night? YES, I have extremely vivid dreams and dream almost every night.. It's usually a mixture of what I've read before I go to sleep and what is actually going on in my life. Sometimes I can't remember my dreams immediately when I wake up, but I usually remember them during the day at some point. It's strange and I've given up trying to understand them mostly. I tend to pay more attention to the nightmares than the dreams. 
Question 7: When did you last laugh? I laugh a lot. This is hard to answer. 
Question 8: What is on the walls of the room you are in?  I have tons of stuff actually.. This is a great question. I have a couple of diploma frames. Some blueprints. Some old posters that I've collected at (I collect a lot of old posters): An advertisement for the Outdoor Art Exhibit in Washington Square Park(One of my favorite public squares in NYC) from October of 1955, An advertisement from the Federal Civil Defense efforts from the US government 1959 that features a figure--that looks exactly like me--building an at home fall out shelter with the help of his free booklet on "How to Build a Family Fallout Shelter". I love having a random assortment of imagery and objects. It keeps my mind going. 
Question 9: What is the weirdest thing you've seen lately? Today I broke up a fight between two kids in my neighborhood. It was so random.They were younger teenagers.. SOOO RANDOM
Question 10: Last Film you saw? Dallas Buyers Club.. It was quite depressing. Nothing like a good aids movie to make you celibate for life. 
Question 11: If you could live anywhere on Earth where would it be? I've been fortunate enough to live in several different cities. I guess I've figured out that the question is not WHERE? but WITH WHOM WOULD YOU SURROUND YOURSELF? I'll let you know when I figure that one out. 
Question 12: If you became a multimillionaire overnight what would you buy? I think I would buy comfort and security for my family and self. I would def. try to establish something for the support of the humanities and art as well as some medical research and taking care of those old folks in my family(which is everyone because I'm the youngest.) 
Question 13:What is something about me most people don't know? I've only broken one bone in my life and it was my pinky toe that I ripped off… (I still have it now-no worries) 
Question 14:Do you dance? 
Heck yes. I dance all the time..
Question 15: Who was the last person to call you? 
My dad- he calls me on his way home usually because the road is long and boring. 
Question 16: Last thing you downloaded on your computer? A new job application… (lame I know)
Question 17: Last time you swam in a pool.. I was in New York and It was inflatable. 
Question 18: Type of music you like most? I'm a believer in lyrics.
Question 19: Music you dislike.. Lyric-less 
Question 20: Song you're listening to now? Jekk -Five o'Clock (it's a winner) 

Okay I'm hoping I can find better questions for next week these were terribly boring.

           I started a new strict new physical routine today. I see going to the gym as something with  a therapeutic element. I have no real goals for it, but I know that it is good for my mind and I feel like it helps me maintain focus. It's kind of the same feeling I had when I started elementary school. -I had no real vision of what school would turn into or where it would take me. I just knew that the torture of going through the routine was something that was good for me. I also started going to a new gym.. I think that it will make it a lot easier for me to get there.While making it a lot harder on me to create an excuse for skipping. I'm also working in a buddy system with old friends from town. It's always good to have motivators(!) (EVEN IF YOU HATE THEM AT TIMES.)

GAY!, GAY GAy Gay…w

“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.” -Tennessee Williams

This post has been a long time in the making. Perhaps I was avoiding it or perhaps I thought it didn’t actually matter. Now, it does, either because I feel the need to discuss it or I feel the need to make this blog the truest representation of myself as possible. In July of 2010(four long years ago) as I was being prepped for my last surgery—the one in my eyes that was the most important—I gave my parents both mom and dad three page letters. They weren’t letters of defense or letters of ill intent; rather they were letters of truth and love. I knew that from that moment things were going to change. I knew that from then on I would be looked at differently in their eyes. I knew that these were the kinds of things that change everything.

           I explained to them that I loved them. I explained that their son was still the same. I explained I like boys. I explained what had been on my mind for the last eight years; from my ill-fated attempts of self-denial, and repression to my attempts to change the way my mind and body worked. I even jokingly discussed how suicide seemed like 'such a messy option.' The undertones of depression and self-loathing my high school and college years had brought with them were rather unnecessary looking back on it all. This stupid inner struggle that caused me an extraordinary amount of anxiety all because I felt I couldn’t let it out. Finally, when faced with my own mortality, it came pouring out—flooding really.

            Without going into too much detail, those letters did change it all. My proud, conservative parents were truly tormented by the revelations of who there son really was. It was so drastic in fact that I stayed at different friends houses for weeks after getting out of the hospital, until I finally was able to return to Savannah to school. They demanded that I change, that I seek counseling, that I pray this ‘perversion’ away from my life. It was horrible particularly because I was fully reliant upon them financially and physically. I happily went to a small army of clergy and religious counselors, and no, these were not happy times. I write ‘happily’ because in contrast to keeping it in for so long I felt free. I felt lighter than I ever had in my life.

            I went into this weird phase of abandonment. Family and friends, it was pretty rough especially on the heels of trying to apply to graduate schools and finish undergrad less than well physically. My roommate was without a doubt the one that pulled me through. She kept me moving forward and focused on the future—the only light that the tunnel had to offer. 

            
     Time is a valuable vessel. Slowly my parents began to speak plainly to me again and replace this issue with other concerns (health, jobs, money, etc.) Today,  it isn’t discussed, which I’m fine with, however I sometimes need to discuss my dating life with family, which is yet to, nor will probably ever be an option. The most surprising outcome of the matter has been in the reactions of those around me. Those who I were the most afraid to tell were the ones who received it the best and vice versa.[It is a fascinating gesture that in the blink of an eye a friend can stop knowing you or a family member stop caring for you.Or you can instantly become the talk of a town(Let's face it: I was born to be the talk of the town)] 
  My home pastor was not as supportive on the matter as I hoped he would be, however living away from home has given me the opportunity to join churches of loving and accepting Christians that make my life fulfilling. The feeling to be accepted completely in a church family is something that is indescribable.

 I needed to write about it because I’m tired of skirting the issue on my blog, and where else if any should I be able to be fully open about my life in totality.

         

            

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

—	Gilda Radner

     I've been busy in search of jobs. I've applied for almost a dozen positions in states from Minnesota to Florida and everywhere in between. There seems to be a large number of jobs in the DC area, which I am hopeful for. I am extremely optimistic with this new job boom and the approach of summer.
     In the mean time I am continuing my regular Barista routine. It has a therapeutic repetition and an edgy stress that helps to pass the time. It occupies the mind while it provides surprisingly fulfilling relationships with regular customers both elderly and young. I can only dream of being an eighty-something whose daily ritual is centered upon having a morning cup of coffee at the same coffee shop, where everyone knows my name and how I like it.
    As for the job search, I've had a lot of time to think about it. My expectations are somewhat malleable which I think is best at this point. That feeling of the unknown, which I've blogged about so many times before is back again. It's by now almost becoming a constant. Then again it allows me to keep the extremes on the table like winning the lottery or falling in love with a bajillionaire.

I'm starting to wonder how long my instincts will tell me to open each blog post with "I"M BACK." This morning I drove to a few antique shops just North of Charlottesville in a glorified intersection called Ruckersville. (SERIously though look on a map it 's just an intersection.)

Found some good gifts for a friend. The weather has finally broken-Spring is in the air! I can mainly tell this by the number of UVA Frat bros drinking out in the open and the number of half naked runners the streets of this town has to offer. It feels good.

A One Year Time warp.

I couldn't stay away. It's been a year..  And what a year it has been. [-I'm not even sure where to begin or to even try]

 Here's the abreviated version:

   I've done a lot of traveling, a lot of sole searching, and a lot of writing. 

      I moved to New York after leaving UVA. I did a few different things in my time there: I was a personal assistant, I worked at Crate and Barrel, and I eventually got into Commercial Real Estate. It was a very eye opening experience and I got to test the waters on several different things. Mainly, I realized what I didn't want to do for the rest of my life. 

   I met a lot of great people while in New York. The experience was enough for a few novels in fact. The city is more than a place to live, it's a social experiment on a scale that is hard for a small town to wrestle with. My everyday hustle was one that I will never forget. I worked hard and felt like I was barely treading to stay above water, which is why I eventually decided to head for home and regroup. 

    After a great holiday, I found myself back in Charlottesville. I'm looking for permanent jobs and have been working as a Barista. [Imagine the names I come up with on those cups!-spelling was never my forte.]

I've done a lot of writing over the past year. I maintained a column in my hometown newspaper called Barbour Archi- Talks, I discussed issues with the local preservation efforts there. It was an exciting venture that unfortunately got lost in the shuffle of those city streets. 

    The highs of the past year have been watching my niece and nephew grow more. Kenleigh is 2 now and she has a LOT to say. Cole is 4 and he is keeping everyone on their toes. They bring us all so much joy-especially their grandparents. My grandma celebrated her 90th with a surprise birthday party. It was a great event with all of my family. 
    The lows have been the loss of a few close family friends. 

Without more to say I'll let the pictures do some of the talking. 

Box seats at the WVU game. Great time thanks to my big sister(This is as decked out in WVU garb as I get.) 

:This is at the Hambletonian Races at the Meadowlands Racetrack. I was there with the girls of Horse and Country Style and Jen who has done an amazing job with her dream of making the magazine a reality. I'm glad I can say 'I knew her when.'

My Big sister and I at our Aunt and Uncles 40th Wedding Anniversary party. 

My Halloween Costume with one of my best friends Shelley.

' <3 .="" p="">

It feels good to be back. 

         

                     My birthday was great. My roommates took me out and several of my colleagues from school joined us for a night away from working on our thesis projects. 

 While I've tried hard to keep my discussion of thesis off of social media, the blog hasn't been as lucky. It has completely dictated my life in the past several weeks and I hope it will be completely finished at the end of this week... (before revisions via my committee begin -_-) I wanted to take a break from writing to share the new website for Fashion and Farm Country Magazine. The side project that I've been telling you about. Check it out here if you get time.  I unfortunately have no more time to write, but will soon be free. I look forward to what spring brings. 

                     I'm in a caffeine fueled mood-all that I can do is write.(Prepare for randomness.)
          My thesis is due on the first of March. While this is the most stressed out I've been in a long time, I am also(ironically) the happiest. Things seem to have fallen into place in the least likely of ways. New doors are opening everyday and while my current concept of 'future' is in flux daily, I'm taking everyday one minute at a time. I've decided life is good. The stress of Ph.D. programs is only temporary, and while I am both confident and pessimistic, I am sure that the future is an idea that I'm okay with. My birthday is right around the corner. It promises to be an eventful one as my roommates have planned me a party. We are the most unlikely of friends. A Ph.D. student and a professional butcher. A butcher, a baker, and perhaps I should be a candle stick maker? We get each other, we are drastically different, but we understand each other and revel in the differences.
                  It's the little things. I wake up every morning and I realize that I love what I'm studying. Architecture is still my passion after ten years, and while I'm anxiously waiting to hear what my next step is, I realize I'm going to be happy. Every morning I wake up on my dusty Grad.-school futon and see some of my favorite buildings I've hung around my room. They're a mix of western/nonwestern Ancient/modern and provide me with a subtle sigh of relief. I've decided to add some music to this randomness.. This is for all the old folks. Appreciate the good in everything. Truth be known I love the music from the 60's 70's 80's and 90's just as much as I love contemporary music. While change is hard for some(I'm thinking of a few specific old folks particularly) stay current and love it all.

    My trip to Savannah was excellent. As soon as I got off the exit ramp my mind was instantly full of memories. Every block offered a story and a memory tied to people and events.  It has become a part of me, and I will always understand it as one of my homes. In just two years the SCAD I once knew had continued to evolve in a positive direction. The SCAD Museum of Art, only a site of construction when I last left it, has become the new epicenter of student life at the school. Seeing it expanding and morphing into something better makes me even more proud to call myself an alumni.
                   I visited my favorite restaurant, Zunzi's, which was a life changing experience as always. The Symposium was particularly enjoyable. I presented my paper, "Mining, Mouring, and Modernism." I got a lot of great feedback. Attending conferences and symposia have made me evolve greatly in my understanding of both the field of architecture and architectural criticism. The scholars that I get to hear present their work serve to inspire me. As soon as I got back to Charlottesville, I realized I have added enthusiasm to work on my thesis, which is exactly what I need in these final stages of writing.

Things are changing..

I'm realizing exactly how much time I have left at UVA and it feels rather surreal to know that in just a few months I'll be packing up to move. Where I'll be heading is a major question right now. I am still anxiously awaiting word about Ph.D. applications, and the pessimist inside of me is beginning to look for jobs.

Being in Savannah has also made me wonder if I could ever see myself going back there, but I think instead of returning I need to take this opportunity to find a new place. One that isn't bogged down with associations of the past-Savannah is full of those. I also started trying to understand myself a little better by comparing the cities I've lived in. Philippi, Morgantown, Syracuse, Savannah, FRANCE, SPAIN, Washington DC, and Charlottesville.. A good mix of both ruthlessly rural/ massively metropolitan, North and South, archaic and cultured. I'm having a deep internal debate about what should govern my next move: pursuit of  place or pursuit of profession, this only applies of course in the event I don't get to pursue a Ph.D.

I must share this.. It's getting me through the week.




If your wandering ever leads youto a place where you dont know which road to chooseleave your worries behindtake the road that leads to mineand I'll be waiting there for you
If your dreaming ever wakes youand you find your dreaming wasn't truewipe the sleep from your eyesleave the nightmares behindand I'll dream a better dream for you
If your fortune ever fails youand you're down without a dime to see you throughthere's still luck that you can findyou have a piece of mineyeah, I'll make a wish for you
If your lover ever leaves youand you find yourself with no one left to loseyou dont have to be alonetake the road that leads you homeand I'll be waiting there for you...
...I'll be waiting there for you