Sometimes you just need to rant... 

-Here's mine:

  

   Working a full time job while trying to work on my grad school thesis and Ph.D. applications has opened my eyes to several facts this summer.(I promise for those of you who are tired of hearing about it--this is leading to a much bigger flow of thought.) 

                                       Few people can pull this off, and if I do, it will be a MIRACLE, a FLOOK, an ALIGNMENT OF THE STARS. As my mom would declare: "THE WILL OF GOD! (god bless that lil lady)", now call me a believer or doubter or hater or what you will BUT. I usually take the Thomas Jefferson approach, who hand crafted the bible to appeal to a more practical reader. He boiled down(by boiled down I mean literally clipped out) all the miracles and all of those things that couldn't be explained(from the bible) by modern science and reason and from that created a faith that he understood to be real(or more real). Which he by the way practiced.(Keep this in mind next time someone goes on a Christ fueled founding fathers rant.)

                                                        Let me step back and say, I want to believe that all the miracles happened in the bible[it would be special that way], but (that compleeetely aside) I'm not sure that I think one will happen to me or even could happen on earth today... 

                        So (after giving up hope for a miracle), I'm trying to get physical, physical...I mean I'm trying to keep it practical.  LET's face it- I have better odds of being drafted into the NBA than getting into a Ph.D. program in the field. With that said, throw in some old fashioned bias and now we're talking two or three people on planet earth that I would want to do my dissertation with. 

                                             If I don't already sound slightly masochistic for putting myself through this, I have to say this: While I have serious issues buying into all the miracle talk, I contrast it with a belief that there is some sort of master plan, which is unexplainable(master plan= why man exists), which is crafted and carried out by the explained(reason, biology, ect.). 

        So let's put this all into focus using--oh I don't know--my love life[a topic I'd rather jump off a bridge(a high , sharp, jagged one) than discuss.] While I am single(¡hopeless romantics holla!) The only person I can say that I've ever been head over heels in love(like the can't eat-can't sleep-reach for the stars type..)with was obsessed with Pride and Prejudice. Tons of things that happened in everyday life she would constantly relate back to the book. NOW, if eighteenth century prose doesn't whoo you, or maybe just lacks luster in your mind, you can read it or you don't have to.. Anyway I remember one night she told me this, and I finally(trust me-it took me quite awhile) found it. One of the main characters declares that she is happiest (in comparison to the others) "“I am the happiest creature in the world. Perhaps other people have said so before, but not one with such justice. I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh.”

      I haven't forgotten this, and I like to whip it out even in my personal worst times. Perhaps you(imaginary people who read this) can keep this in mind. Laugh when the stress and anxiety gets to be too much...

                That, or just wait for a miracle.